Stuck.
Just stuck. Just flat-out, plain-old stuck and unable to move.
That’s exactly how I felt in my early adult life. I felt like I couldn’t move – I didn’t know how to “move up” in the sense of getting a better job or being able to afford a better life for myself.
Sure, I knew that going to college could help, but the reality is that many of my already graduated college friends were stuck, too.
For me, my answer was to “buy” the life I wanted – I mean, that’s what it looked like everyone else was doing, and I really wanted to upgrade my life.
So that’s what I did. I swiped those credit cards and purchased whatever my heart’s desire was, and before long, I had that look.
You know the look.
The look of “success” – I had a nice car, a nice apartment, nice clothes, professionally colored and styled hair, and everything was beautiful looking.
But here’s the reality. I was sinking. I wasn’t actually “unstuck” – even though that is how it felt like to me – I was just sinking down from the spot I was stuck in.
That’s what debt does to you.
Credit makes you feel like you can take on the world, and heck, let’s be honest, credit allows you to purchase your own version of a successful life.
But in reality, how successful are you? I mean, credit is using someone else’s money to purchase something and then paying them a premium to use that money in the form of interest.
The thing is, I wasn’t just young and dumb; I had the wrong impressions of what success looks like.
Let me give you an example – there’s a well-known “influencer to the stars” out there in the online world, always posing with their Ferraris and helicopters, but you want to know the truth. That influencer leases those cars and rents the big house he lives in. He doesn’t actually own any of those things.
Now, I’m not hating on this guy because he is super popular and does, in fact, hang out with the “who’s who” of Hollywood. However, the point I’m making is that if you see his photos and think “wow, he’s made it because he has these things,” you’re wrong. Those things aren’t actually his – he borrows them.
Again, I don’t know that particular influencer’s financials – I know he doesn’t own those things because of his disclaimer on his site that states he leases these things. I’m just trying to make the point that success doesn’t have a look, and we need to stop chasing it because it’s a mirage.
The trap of success
I fell into this trap a long time ago, believing that my success depended upon how I looked. But honestly, success is a character choice – because success is defined by your actions and not by your looks.
The thing is, if you’re feeling stuck – like you just can’t move forward, I want to encourage you to avoid this trap of thinking you can buy your way to success. You simply cannot.
Success is action, and honestly, it’s usually really challenging, small, everyday actions that lead to success – not the big, glamorous stuff we see thrown in our faces online.
How to get unstuck
If you’re stuck – if you’re currently living in a home that is just flat-out not where you saw yourself living (hey, I get it, I’ve been there!), or if you’re stuck in a dead-end job or just don’t know where to go next, here’s what I want you to do.
- Get crystal clear on your goals. If getting your degree is on your goals list, stop putting it off and making excuses, and go get it done, even if it takes you forever. Write down those goals that you keep saving for another day, or “when this or that happens, then I can do this” moments. Go after it, friend!
- Stop the blame game. Oh goodness, I was soooooo good at playing this game back when I was deep in financial hell! I blamed everybody else and their grandma on why my life was the way it was. Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter if your parents didn’t teach you how to manage money, and it doesn’t matter if you had a terrible teacher who just didn’t like you and failed you. Those don’t define you, and you are in charge of you and your actions from this day forward. Stop looking behind you and start moving forward.
- Pick one hard thing and do it every day. I don’t know what challenges you or frightens you, but I want you to for the 2 weeks straight, to pick one thing that scares the living daylights out of you and to just do it. Example: the fear of facing rejection, but knowing that you have worked hard and long enough to have earned the right to ask for a pay raise, but the fear is holding you back. Go ask the question – the worst thing they can tell you is no.
- Know your boundaries. Do not allow others to dictate where and how you live your life. You are responsible for you and only you. I highly encourage you to read this book here – seriously, it’ll change your life!
- Pick one thing to stop spending money on and save it instead. I know this one may seem a little out of place in my “go after your dreams” speech here, but something that I’ve realized with our current culture is that everything gets sold to us (even self-care is now being sold to us!), and so we have a tendency to spend money without even realizing it. So, I want you to pick one thing that you are no longer going to buy and every time you find yourself thinking about it or wanting to purchase that thing(s), transfer the money to your savings account instead, even if it’s only $5. This one habit can dramatically improve your life (I know it did for me!).
Alright, so you tell me, what is one BIG scary goal that you’re going to work towards TODAY to get unstuck?
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