Earlier last week, I decided to treat myself to Starbucks. After dropping my boys off at preschool, Charlotte and I headed over to Starbucks to use one of my gift cards.
While waiting in the drive thru line, I was behind a brand spanking new Volvo. It was sleek, black, and just flat-out gorgeous. As the guy was handing the barista his money, I couldn’t help but notice his tailored shirt and the unmistakable beauty of a Rolex on his wrist.
So, what happened next? I started falling into the dreaded comparison trap – all of sudden my in-desperate-need-of-a-carwash Sequoia was feeling pretty inferior. My spit up on sweater that I’m not sure if it matches the shirt I’m wearing to go along with it made me feel homely.
I started to fall down the downward spiral of discontentment until right before he was about to drive off I noticed the dealership sticker on the trunk, North Point Volvo.
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing and saying to myself, “really Jessi? You don’t have anything better to do with your precious moments of shear quiet than to compare yourself and your family’s status to someone else?”
You see, the funny part of this story is that we purchased our Sequoia at North Point Volvo. What are the odds that two people from very different walks of life would have made a huge purchase at the same dealership?
What are the odds that one would feel less than par to the other simply because one had a brand new car when both cars were purchased at the same place?
You see, that’s what comparison does to you. It steals your joy. It tells you that you’re not good enough. That nothing you have or will have will ever be as good as what you could have had.
For all I know that man could have financed that Volvo, financed that Rolex, and financed his tailor. Or, he could be a millionaire that paid cash for everything. Who knows – that’s his story, not mine. I shouldn’t spend precious time comparing myself to someone who doesn’t even know I exist.
But that’s how comparison grabs you – it wants you to believe that you’re being judged. It wants you to stay defeated and feeling like you’re never going to measure up because that’s how it keeps you trapped.
If you’ve been losing yourself in the comparison trap lately, I encourage you to focus on the things you have to be thankful for. I suggest you start writing one to two things that you’re grateful for every day. You can use a notebook, the notes app on your phone, or a fancy gratitude journal like this one. Whatever you choose to use doesn’t matter, just make a habit of reminding yourself every day that you are blessed and that comparison is the thief of joy.
What is one thing you are grateful for today?
Great post! I have a problem with this sometimes & really think taking your suggestion to write down gratitudes daily could help.
Today I am thankful that I have the opportunity to work at home for the time being. I’m also thankful for the warmth of my woodstove! ?
Those sound like the perfect things to be thankful for Julie! 🙂
Jessi, this made me laugh, mostly because of the timing: I asked my husband to get me one thing for my birthday, and it was a wooden sign made on Etsy that says “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I wanted to hang it above my kitchen sink, where I spend most of my time, lol. TODAY is my birthday, so how funny to wake up and read THIS post from you. I love it! Obviously it’s just the type of post I needed to read, and I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with this from time-to-time. I also have noticed with myself, that even if I DO purchase the envied item once in awhile, it STILL just makes me go on to the next thing that I want…it’s a vicious cycle! Thanks, Jessi! Have a great week…
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY LIZ! 🙂 And don’t you just love those wooden signs on Etsy? I swear, I could go crazy on that site! 🙂 And it definitely is a vicious cycle of spend more, be happy for 30 seconds and then move on to wanting the next thing.
You are not alone! I think we all do this, even though we know it’s not helpful to ourselves. For me, if I practice gratitude, pray, journal, read, and listen to podcasts regularly, I avoid the comparison trap. I am so grateful for all of these things (especially podcasts!) because they truly help me experience more joy. Specifically, I am so grateful that I was able to move with money from Christmas into a bigger apartment that is less rent! Moving is expensive so I didn’t know if I’d save much by doing it, but I was blessed with a gift from my grandma that covered all moving expenses. Now, I save $220 / month on rent that is going to go toward paying off my student loans. 🙂
That is awesome Natalie!!! And I love your decorating style — you want to come decorate my house? 😉
This post was right on the money (no pun intended). It can be so hard not to compare. I was doing this for the longest time until I had a light bulb moment. I have a friend who is a SAHM, whose husband is a store manager. For the life of me, I couldn’t not figure out how they could afford everything that they had and everything that they did, whereas I felt like we were always struggling. Then at a Mom’s night she broke down and confessed that her mother paid for their mortgage and all their vacations, while they financed just about everything else. They pretty much lived entirely on credit cards. It was a big lesson that I had to learn that you don’t know everyone’s story, that everyone is unique, and that you cannot compare.
Today I’m grateful that I quit my job. It’s been 9 months in the making, and I still have another 7 months worth of income to look forward to.
Reading your post I was reminded of my ex-boss. He definitely let comparison rob him of joy. He loved telling us all how wealthy he was. The very first thing he told me was how much his house cost. I didn’t ask; I didn’t particularly care; but he wanted me to know. I remember thinking, Well, that was dumb. You’ll be lucky to get your money back, there’s just no market here for homes that cost that much. When that didn’t impress me he told me that he always took his family to the same very expensive overseas resort every year. When I told him we’d been married in that country he visibly bristled. It was like he didn’t think one of his lowly employees should be able to afford a $400 return plane ticket to get to a country that is actually a very popular holiday destination! I watched over the years as he drummed out people who had more money than he did. One woman quit because she couldn’t take the way he harassed her for driving a nicer car than him. Her husband’s company was very successful; she only worked as a hobby; and it just wasn’t worth it to her to have to put up with him. I’m not saying the fact that I was really unimpressed by his money was the main reason he wanted me gone; but I think it definitely played a part. (It wasn’t even his money. He married rich. Why would I be impressed with something that had nothing to do with him?)
Good for you for stopping yourself. The guy in the Volvo might be the nicest guy in the world. He might have a beautiful, kind wife and gorgeous, well-behaved kids. He might be very rich, without a bit of debt. But nobody’s life is perfect, and if you knew his problems, you’d probably prefer your own.
Oh, man, Comparison really gets all of us sometimes doesn’t it? I wrote about my story of comparison and how it stole the joy out of my Christmas this year….as well as how I reclaimed that joy by focusing on my identity in Christ. I would love to get your opinion on the article. I’m new to blogging and looking for any feedback I can get!
What’s the link to your post Christina? I’d love to read it! 🙂
“That was his story. Not mine.” I love that. It also reminds me of C.S. Lewis’s “The Horse and His Boy,” where the characters often want to know what will happen to other characters. Aslan simply replies, “That is not your story.” We are to live our story, being held accountable to our Lord. It sounds so simple, and yet it can be so hard!
Oh I’m going to have to read that story!
Great reminder!
We said goodbye to a dear family member the other day, our sweet kitty, Tony. His old body was falling apart on him, so I’m certain it was the right thing to do for him, but I still miss. I’m very grateful that he was a part of my life for 15 years. He will be missed.
I’m so sorry for your loss Amy! Fur babies are such a part of our families and it’s so hard when they leave us. Prayers are going up for y’all!